REVIEW: Midnight Movie (2008) - The Horror Guru

Cast: Rebekah Brandes, Daniel Bonjour, Stan Ellsworth, Mandell Maughan, Jon Briddell, Justin Baric, Lee Main
Director: Jack Messitt
Writers: Mark Garbett and Jack Messitt
Company: Bigfoot Entertainment

Rating: NR
Running Time: 1 h, 24m

There are good B-Movies and there are bad B-Movies. And then there are B-Movies that aren’t even worthy of being on the Sci-Fi Channel’s made-for-TV- horror lineup.

Midnight Movie is one of those.

I hated nearly everything about this movie from the not-so-original-but-we-try-make-you-think-so story, to the absolutely absurd acting, to the lack of character development… In fact, it might be more difficult to come up with anything redeeming about watching this flick that it was to actually sit through the 84-minute run time. But I’ll try.

The basic premise is that in the late 1960’s, Ted Radford, a local psycho, wrote and directed a Texas Chainsaw-esque flick. The movie opens with Ted, now in the psych ward of a New Haven hospital, watching his film (for some ridiculous medicinal reason). After he proceeds to gnaw on his wrist for a few minutes, the entire wing of the hospital is slaughtered by an unseen assailant… but no bodies are found.

Fast forward five years later. Some hole-in-the-wall movie theater shows old horror films at midnight to a crowd of almost… well, 10. Hey, it’s a short movie and it takes time to kill people, ya know! We meet our heroine and manager of the theater, Bridget (Rebekah Brandes) who has some dumb backstory about being beaten as a child, and her Kevin Richardson look-a-like boyfriend, Josh (Daniel Bonjour). Seriously, this dude should scrap the acting thing and tour the world in some Backstreet Boys imitator group. Plus, we have Bridget’s younger brother, Timmy, who may be the ugliest child to ever grace my television. And I’m being nice.

We have our “amazing” crop of disposable meat as well including a fat nasty biker dude named Harley (how original) and his girlfriend, Babe. There’s Josh’s guido-buddy, Mario and his girlfriend. The totally worthless employees of the theater and a local detective and doctor round out this substandard cast. Seriously, where did the filmmakers find these jackasses? It’s like using some Saran Wrap and a rubber band when you run out of condoms… it fills a void, but probably isn’t going to get the job done.



The basic premise: the killer from the movie actual comes out of the big screen and begins slaughtering the moviegoers for real. Sounds cool, right? I guess. But it seems like the writers happened to watch an old episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark from Nickelodeon and thought is was such a great idea that they expanded it into a version three times as long. Maybe they didn’t get the memo… there was a REASON why this story was compressed into a 30 minute TV show WITH commercials!!







So now we’re forced to watch an hour of a group of total blockheads attempt to find a way to escape the movie theater (which is conveniently locked up tighter than The Virgin Mary’s no-no special spot) before a lame-o killer (with a halfway decent Skeletor-ish mask and a dumb weapon) gets them first.



But let’s be honest, most of the members of Slipknot have scarier masks than this dude. Seriously… take a look…



Midnight Movie gives us this constant movie-within-a-movie which you might think could get a little confusing. I mean, you might ask yourself, “Self, how would someone as idiotic and dumb as myself be able to follow not one, but TWO movies simultaneously?! And How do I spell simultaneously?”

But have no fear; Messitt slickly and intelligently filmed this movie-within-a-movie in black and white! So even you, the stupid viewer, could follow just what the hell was going on! Thanks, Jack! You are wise! Just ask Production Designer, Bradd Wesley Fillmann! This jackass raves about how amazing it was that they came up with the idea to film in color and black & white… like this is the most amazing thing EVER thought of in the history of film! Wizard of Oz? Ha! Pleasantville? Move over. There’s a new sheriff in town. This sort of hyperbole makes me want to drive a corkscrew-shaped knife through someone’s stomach and pull out a plug of flesh.

…Don’t even get me started on the sheer impossibility of such a feat…

Let me now tell you how much the Harley character irritated me. This schmo has absolutely no originality. I mean come on, a BIKER named HARLEY?! I can’t be sure, but I’m willing to be the motorcycle he was shown driving was most likely a Harley. This isn’t irony… this is the product of two dumb writers coming up with a movie and one of them saying, “Hey, let’s name the biker dude Harley! Haha that’s so funny! Hahaha!” Yeah, not so much. Not to mention that this guy also looks like the incarnate of famous wrestler Big John Studd. So for that, he does earn one cool point back.



But Big John Studd died over a decade ago. So the cool point is retracted.

Man, I hate to keep harping on the negatives, but seriously, what is UP with the slanted credits and the end of the movie coupled with the nu-metal background? Is this supposed to be some sort of creative expression? …So creative that you can barely read them. But that could be an intentional wish by everyone involved in the film not wanting anyone to know they were in it.

Bottom line; let’s just say I am glad I wasn’t the one that wasted their spot on a Netflix movie queue on this bottom-of-the-barrel piece of garbage. Sure, there are much worse flicks out there… and I’m sure I’ll review some of them. But this one just enraged me in a way that very few films do.

So, it has that going for it.

Lame Quote of the Movie: “I don’t want to die!” –Guido-boy just before he bites it

Lesson Learned: If everything in the building you are trapped in is magically locked down, don’t bother trying to crawl out that open window.

Flick Figures: 13 dead bodies; 3 counts of toe-ripping; 1 rotting pig carcass (with maggots); electrocution; strangulation; body part soccer; gratuitous flatulence; gratuitous blade sharpening; gratuitous biker flirting; jugular puncture; throat-slashing; full-body slashing; wrist-biting; eye-gouging; rolling pin-fu; fellatio-fu; 1 psychedelic bathroom; and 1 ‘Mystery Machine’ Van-Bus. 2 breasts.

REVIEW: Midnight Movie (2008) - ViolentLeigh

Cast: Rebekah Brandes, Daniel Bonjour, Stan Ellsworth, Mandell Maughan, Jon Briddell, Justin Baric, Lee Main
Director: Jack Messitt
Writers: Mark Garbett and Jack Messitt
Company: Bigfoot Entertainment

Rating: NR
Running Time: 1 h, 24m

I’m going to just come right out and say it…I liked this movie. There, it feels like a huge Harley-sized (you’ll get this later) weight has been lifted from my shoulders. This movie delightfully presents all the B-Movie cheese one can stomach without being bound up for days after indulging. It has ridiculous dialogue, cardboard characters, and a gimp-footed killer. But most importantly, it has an original premise. Are there parts that are ooze with too much Velveeta? Sure, but overall it kept me entertained.



The movie begins with a silver-haired mental patient named Ted Radford and his doctor, who apparently got his degree from the back of a cereal box, preparing to watch a horror movie that decades earlier Radford wrote, directed, produced, starred in and was the best boy grip for. This is Dr. Quack’s idea of therapy for the institutionalized and clearly off his rocker Radford. As one expects, things go awry. Radford (who apparently would rather eat flesh than popcorn while watching a film) chews his wrist off pretty much before the beginning credits are done rolling. Cue the blood splattered walls, off-screen carnage and missing dead bodies.

Fast forward five years to the present day.

We are introduced to the main heroine character, Bridget. She is running a very large and looming theatre (that no doubt has a singing phantom living in the basement). This theatre specializes in showing obscure horror movies to so few people they couldn’t even get a good conga line going. Along with the completely indispensible theatre workers Kenny and the blonde girl that was so insignificant I don’t even think she had a name, Bridget is opening the theatre for a midnight screening of Radford’s film.

Enter the rest of the cast, a group of unknown actors who aren’t past the daytime soap opera level of acting quite yet (my apologies Ms. Lucci).



The soon-to-be-dead moviegoers include Bridget’s boyfriend Josh; her 10 year old brother Timmy; Mario and his brunette girlfriend; Harley and Babe, the stereotypical bad-ass couple; and an AV nerd that gets the runs from eating too many chocolate covered raisins. These crazy kids poke fun at Radford’s movie while Harley enjoys some fellatio action in the back of the theatre. Meanwhile, a stone-faced cop (who apparently doesn’t think getting a blowjob in a public place is worthy of a ticket) and a doctor who worked at the aforementioned hospital arrive.



It doesn’t take long before Radford’s black and white, Texas Chainsaw Massacre rip-off begins and the killer jumps from the silver screen to the theatre hacking anyone that gets in his way (and anyone who is cowering behind the concession stand).

This group of trapped moviegoers would in no way be accepted in MENSA, but they do pull together and work as a group to try to escape their unfortunate fate. At the beginning, Bridget is pretty whiney and annoying but I found myself pulling for her and poor little Timmy towards the end. I mean, how can you not pull for a kid named Timmy, especially when Lassie isn’t there to save the day.



However, Harley is hands down my favorite character. He is big & tough, sensitive and doesn’t mind getting a little freaky in the back of a theatre.



The killer, with his farmer John overalls, Christmas tree looking weapon and gimp foot wouldn’t be as frightening without the partial-skeleton mask. The mask (which I loved) made me uneasy in the same way that William Shatner makes me uneasy when he’s really pale and his hair is disheveled. It was a welcomed change to see a new mask and a new maniac instead of seeing all the classic killers we’ve grown to love watered down, regurgitated and fed to the masses with crappy storylines and subpar heavy metal soundtracks. (Yeah, big Hollywood studios, I’m talking to you. Stop the remake madness.)



I was impressed with the original storyline of this film. Granted, my counterpart has mentioned some Nickelodeon TV show with the same premise. Alas, I am a few years older than he is and do not recognize this show called “Are You Afraid of the Dark”. My Nickelodeon watching was of the Barth Burger/Green Slime generation.



With an original storyline, albeit not always executed to its fullest extent, this was still an enjoyable movie. It was well filmed and the transition scenes from Radford’s film to the movie theatre reality were aesthetically pleasing. The black and white of Radford’s film starkly contrasted the colorful world of the present day reality. When the killer was dragging his victims into the colorless film, it dramatically symbolized all of the life and color draining out of them. I also thought it was very interesting to see these victims become forever immortalized in the film. Kind of like having a repeated 15 minutes of blood-soaked fame.



If you can get past the average acting and can relish in the cheesy dialog, I think you will enjoy this. Would I fight someone for the last DVD copy at Wal-Mart? Probably not. But, I did watch it twice and in no way regret those 168 minutes.

Naked Factor:
Two hippie boobs.
No biker penis.

Gore factor:
One torture porn scene.
Lots of circular wounds.
A few bloody walls.

Things I learned from Midnight Movie:
1. Dating a big, tough biker in no way guarantees your safety when faced with a masked murderer.
2. Taking acid makes you want to dance with leprechauns.
3. 10 year old boys will face impending doom to catch a glimpse of a set of knockers.
4. Sammy Sosa alleviates people’s fears.
5. Mario Lopez has a long lost twin brother (also named Mario.)
6. Deodorant does not cover the smell of fear.
7. Having your toes cut off does not affect your sense of balance.
8. Don’t ever drive a VW Van on a country road because you will inevitably get a flat tire and die.